He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
