At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
