Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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