there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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