Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
