You made me cry and you don't even care
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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