I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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