What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
