You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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