1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the day after is always just damage control
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
