So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
