The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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