I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
