Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
