my room smells like sperm. sweet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i think i just lost a toe
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
