why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
