I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
