Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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