so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
