youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
