and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
