I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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