Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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