You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
