I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
