Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
