Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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