so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
