lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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