A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
send nudes
from the living room?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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