While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
