he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
