new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think your dad took our porno
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
