Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize