You're my little dorito
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
