I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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