you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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