I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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