You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His hands were made for my vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
