god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
