I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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