Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
