so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
