I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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