i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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