Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Be still, my beating vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
