I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
