Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
