Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
