It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
