I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
