So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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