Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
