Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
